Sex in your 40’s. It’s fabulous…Isn’t it?
Sex in your 40’s…It’s great isn’t it?
Sex, It’s a taboo subject.
We’re all at it; well most of us, yet not many of us discuss it. If we’re unhappy with the quality or quantity of our sexual encounters, we tend to suffer in silence. We don’t talk about it to our work colleagues, our girlfriends, most of us don’t even discuss it with our sexual partners. We just adopt the British ‘stiff upper lip’ and get on with it!
I don’t know about you, but I feel under pressure to be having fabulous sex all of the time.
I’ve read so many articles that suggest that I should be having the best sex of my life now I’m 44.
They all say It’s good for us. It releases endorphins, it makes our skin glow.
They say that it’s normal for couple in their 40’s to be having 3-4 intimate encounters a week. In our 40’s we’re more confident in bed, we know what we like, and get what we want out of our lovemaking.
This is my account of sex in your 40’s
All of the barriers that prevented us from a steaming hot sex life have now been removed, so we should really be having sex at every opportunity exactly like the ‘sexperts’ suggest.
Our kids have long gone, so we’re no longer cock-blocked by a wriggling child in the bed.
We don’t have to worry about being too vocal as there is literally no one to hear us apart from our elderly neighbour, (I think she’s going deaf though).
We actually spend a good amount of time alone together…Should be a shagfest eh?
That’s a big fat No!
Life. Life seems to get in the way.
My husband Jon works nights Monday to Friday. This has pros and cons.
He’s home during the day to sign for parcels, put the washing on, load the dishwasher and I have a king size bed to myself five nights a week.
Our sexual clocks are totally out of sync.
I often go to bed at night alone, with no one to satisfy my sexual desires.
Jon comes home after a hard night in work, jumping into bed at 6.30am freshly showered, smelling great and ready for some loving, just as I’m getting up for work with bed hair, dry mouth and morning breath.
So, we’ve tried to find solutions as we are that couple that needs to have sex otherwise we start getting ratty with each other.
Sometimes we try and fit it in when I get home from work and before he goes to work.
This leaves me feeling empty, like I’ve just had a one-night-stand. We go to bed for an hour, then he’s gone. Placing £100 on the nightstand before he leaves would relieve the emptiness (and help my shoe collection)!
We go on date nights. They always begin flirty and romantic. Then we get absolutely shit faced, eat too much and are too drunk and bloated to even think about getting saucy!
I even send him texts during the day, hoping it will get his loins groaning with desire, and that when I get home we’ll have spontaneous sex. I then remember we’ve booked a spin class for 6pm!
There’s no way I’m getting frisky after spin. I’m out of action for at least 24 hours following a spin class! (Even with gel seat)
Even auto correct and the mother-in- law gets in the way of my sexting!
There’s been times where we’ve had a spontaneous embrace whilst watching telly, however we get interrupted by the dog. He really gets jealous when we are close and begins to whine. That’s a total passion killer!
We certainly don’t have the sex life that I’ve been reading about, except on holiday.
Holiday’s are an anomaly. I’m literally obsessed with sex on holiday. I want sex morning, noon and night. And I think I know why.
Life as we know it stops on holiday. No distractions at all. No work, no TV, it’s warm, and often romantic. I’m normally reading chick lit which gets me all fired up. The action of rubbing sunscreen into backs is like foreplay.
I never feel closer to my husband than when I’m on holiday. Maybe it’s the towel animals and flowers on the bed?
Even when the children were small we still had loads of sex on holiday. Thank the lord for kids clubs. We also had sex in many en suite bathrooms with Jon holding his had over my mouth when I orgasm so the kids couldn’t hear. ( I know you’ve all done that too!)
Holiday sex has always been amazing…unless we drink loads of booze.
Last year we went to Marbella to renew our vows for our 20th anniversary. We arrived a week prior to our friends and family. The sex was steamy and intimate which left me feeling amazing, then the troops arrived. We went straight out on the lash for three days straight. Our vow renewal fell on the Saturday. It was such a lovely intimate occasion. I had daydreamed of the tender, loving sex that we’d have. Remembering why we’ve stayed together all of this time. Jon slowly peeling my clothes off my tanned body….that quickly turned to shit after someone invited Sambuca to join us. What can only be described as total carnage followed, and ended with a broken shoe, a bleeding head and Gin at 3am in a Marbella nightclub!
Before the Sambuca!
The beautiful sexy lingerie I bought for our special night didn’t even make appearance until we got back to the UK!
Is this normal?
I think it is. Who has time to make love four times per week? Unless you’re into a quick fumble over the kitchen counter, this definitely doesn’t happen. Does it?
I don’t mind the odd quick fumble, however they often leave me feeling like someone has just eaten the last bite of my Bounty. You ladies know exactly what I mean!
I feel that the drivel written by so called ‘sexperts’ is a load of rubbish.
As long as you’re happy with your sex life that’s all that matters.
I would like a bit more sex, however not at the expense of the quality. I really love the connection we have when we get down and dirty. After 26 years together, we totally get one another and are confident in our own skin. We’re never afraid to try something new. But 3-4 time a week after 26 years? Come on!!
I’ll take one lengthy, intimate and loving session a week over three quickies anytime!
I’d be interested to hear other girls thoughts on this. Do you find time for fabulous sex four times a week, or do I just need to manage my time better?
Growing Old Gracefully…
Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. What a crock of shit you’ve been.
I’ve found it totally overrated the last couple of years.
Now, I know that many people dread Christmas for various reasons…Grieving for lost loved ones, loneliness, homelessness, I feel for you, I really do, however I’m not grieving, lonely or homeless. I’m just a miserable cow!
I used to really look forward to the big day. All of the planning and preparations, praying that Toys R Us would have the latest, must have toy in stock so you didn’t disappoint your kids on the big day, never mind having to wrestle people to actually ensure you get your mitts on one, (I had this with Tinky Winky, one of the Teletubbies In 1999).
We both miss trying to assemble complicated toys close to midnight after a few too many wines, and I miss being woken at 4am to “has he been?”
Those days are most definitely over.
Christmas for me begins with my annual ladies day. This is the day where me and my 8 girlfriends go shopping, check into a hotel, then go out and party like we’re still in our 20’s until the early hours… except, this year I peaked too early, couldn’t walk in my stiletto’s and was back in the hotel by 11.30pm!
check out my Instagram story ‘Perennial nights’ for the full low down!
Before the carnage!
Christmas just felt like a Sunday roast gathering to me.
My family dining on far too much food with my in-laws, with a few pressies chucked in for good measure.
We’re quite a small family – just me, my husband Jon, and our two children Natasha (23) and Ellis (21), both of whom have flown the nest, however Ellis is on leave from the RAF so home for a couple of weeks.
So, Christmas Day looks like this —
Get up on my own at around 7, nursing a bit of a hangover from our forced Christmas Eve pub crawl around our town. Ended up getting rather drunk to cope with how dull it actually was.
Us trying to look festive!
I pottered around and watched this weeks episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, trust me it’s festive!
Jon emerges around 9, Ellis emerges around 10 literally like a caveman with a hangover, coming downstairs in his pants looking for a cup of tea.
We open a few presents which is lovely, all comment how lovely they are and “oooh you shouldn’t have”, then Ellis disappears to his room on his PlayStation.
Jon tried his hardest to be festive by making bacon sandwiches served with Bucks Fizz (Mimosa’s if you’re American), then we just chill.
Natasha arrives and we go through the same process, we then join the in-laws who live two doors away for lunch, which I half prepared in my house.
We eat far too much, open more of the usual PJ’s, Yankee Candles, bath bombs that give me thrush by the way, pull a cracker and sod off home by 4.
Natasha leaves to join her boyfriend and his family, Ellis retreats to his room, then goes to collect his girlfriend whilst Jon and I collapse into a food coma on the sofa.
There’s bugger all on the telly, Jon falls asleep and I’m left reading my group chat where all of my girlfriends are having a great time with their children and extended families.
I’m envious of the tales of my friends bizarrely behaving sister dressed as a sheep, baaaing at everyone, I want to jump into that picture to be arguing around the table over a board game.
My heart longs to be Snapchatting pictures of my pissed father-in-law dad dancing to Slade, but no, it’s 6pm, And I’m in my PJ’s scouring my Sky planner looking for something to watch.
We don’t even have the token festive shag as we were too full to move off the sofa, and besides with my son and his girlfriend upstairs it would just be weird! (Been cockblocked for the last 2 weeks!)
I would have just cracked open the wine but had work at 9am the next morning so that was out of the question.
So we ended our Christmas Day watching an episode of Snowfall (it’s not festive at all…google it!) and going to bed by 9pm, bloated and sober!
I’m guessing, until I have the blessing of grandchildren, this is what Christmas will look like for me? Christmas feels invalid to me now.
I’d be interested to hear from people who also feel disillusioned with Christmas. How do you cope in these years of Christmas Limbo?
I’d equally like to hear from those who have the manic Christmases, the ones with with lots of pissed family playing board games, arguing over the answers. Do you have funny relatives that dress up as farm animals?
Is the grass greener or do you long for the dull, boring Christmas Day I had?
Thanks for joining me!
”Not another person jumping on the blogging bandwagon” I hear you say!
I’ve toyed with the idea of blogging for a while, this was recently spurred on by friends enjoying my Instagram stories on a recent holiday to Thailand.
Social media is full of perfection. Perfectly staged and filtered aspirational photographs and stories which the majority of us cannot aspire to be, and actually just leaves some of us feeling pretty shit about life, especially when it’s from and aimed at young perky boobed fertile women with their perfect kids, immaculate wardrobes, who somehow manage to totter around on 4 inch Louboutins all day.
What about us women who don’t feel like a mum anymore? The woman that need Spanx to be able face a night out? The woman who would need to have a toe amputated to wear such shoes? What about the woman who’s ovaries are groaning after 30+ years of service?
This blog is for you girls! 🙌